Just for Me!

I cannot seem to grasp this book’s concept of not talking to my spouse, and trust me I have been trying. The husband and I got into a disagreement recently, nothing huge but it was notable enough for me to want to just keep on talking and talking about us and my feelings. After all, if I don't tell him how I am feeling how will he know? He can’t read my mind, and he needs to know when I think he has been a jerk and should apologize.

These are the same thoughts that rush through my mind after, or even during, every disagreement. Lately, I have turned to my chosen self help book for answers. And here is what I have learned……..My husband might be right more often than I give him credit for.
What an eye opener! I swear this book was written about my marriage. I feel like he doesn't want to try and doesn't care about me, and my husband apparently feels like I am never happy and that I want him to be more like a girl. We end up blaming each other.

I really want this book to help us learn how to get back the connection we had when we were first together. We actually communicated back then. Maybe it was because we had no issues and everything was new. I’m not sure. However, what I do know is that I really do miss how we were. And talking will not help us to get there. I am learning I need to try to stop verbalizing so much of my frustration or disappointment with my husband. It really makes him feel like a failure and that is not my intention at all!

On a side note: I have been trying to go for a walk everyday to get in better shape and relieve stress. Problem is that I no longer have dogs and it is too cold to push the baby in the stroller. So that leaves me walking alone. All alone. I feel incredibly ridiculous walking alone; however, my pants are starting to fit better so I am motivated. Now only if I can get passed the habit of fidgeting with my phone or Ipod every time a car passes trying to make it look like I have a purpose and am not just walking aimlessly all alone. I am making progress and it feels good to work on these things. So much to improve and so little time! ---Nicole

Random Acts of Kindness are More Difficult than You Might Think

As you might remember, I had two simple assignments in the last two days: commit a random act of kindness, and get some fresh air. The fresh air assignment wasn’t difficult, thank goodness, as the weather has been nice lately.

Nice weather in January in the Pacific Northwest, I know it’s weird. But it’s true! This week I have gone for a few walks with my daughter in the afternoon, AND I have taken my Preschool class outside during the day. It has been so nice, and I definitely think my mood has improved.

Despite my success with getting fresh air, the random act of kindness was a bit more difficult. People actually discouraged me from being nice! I tried to let an elderly couple go in front of me at the grocery store, and they just declined and looked at me like I was crazy. Later, I offered my free coffee drink coupon to a friend, and she thought I was offering charity. She was offended. After a day of trying to be extra nice, I found myself to be extra sad. Maybe there is an art to committing a random act of kindness? Am I missing something? ---Erika

Learning from Men??

Here was my assignment for the day, it was under the topic of what women can learn from men: Look in the mirror and REALLY tell yourself you look fantastic.

My husband regularly praises himself, so I figured I should be able to as well. Apparently, self-praise is something that men are great at and most women are not. At any rate, I tried it today. I instantly felt silly, but the feeling did eventually pass. And when it did, I actually did feel a bit better about myself.

Especially considering I had on my tight jeans, with a little bit of hangover - and no it wasn’t an alcohol related hangover. Don't get me wrong, I do occasionally have those good days where I think I look hot. You know the type of days, when everything just looks right. It just wasn’t one of those days today.

Though the confidence boost was a positive thing, I may have gotten carried away. I made an arrogant joke to my husband. He often does this to me, so I didn’t think much of it. Turns out he doesn't do so well with it coming from me.

Oh, well. It is not like it is my personality type to be egocentric; I just got a bit carried away. That aside, I have decided to continue the mirror practice. It can't hurt right? And it makes me feel good, even in my chub-hugging jeans. --Nicole

I Always Keep my Skirt Down….

Sometimes I think snail mail is the slowest service on the planet. My books finally arrived today. I am going to start my quest for self improvement with, How to Be a Hepburn in a Hilton World. Tomorrow will be day one for me, but tonight I did sneak a peek at chapter one: Keep Your Chin Up and Your Skirt Down.

The first sentence of the chapter really caught my eye and my interest, “Self-Respect is one of the greatest assets a girl can posses…” This is such a true statement. And there are so many females out there today that don’t even know what that statement means.

Here is what on the agenda for tomorrow, day one:

• Get out - Try to get fresh air everyday
• Give it Away - Commit a random act of kindness

Those two tasks seem easy enough, but I’ll keep you posted.

Right on the Money!

Day 1 - Nicole

I cracked open my book late last night. The first paragraph immediately caught my attention:
"If you were to say to the man in your life, ‘Honey, we need to talk about our relationship’, what do you think would happen?”

What followed was what could have been a transcript of many conversations I have had with my husband, body language and everything. I was shocked. Not that I didn’t believe what I had read about the book prior to purchase, but it really did say that talking about a relationship could be a bad thing! Not talking is a concept I cannot even imagine

My husband, on the other hand, actually seems to be looking forward to this new approach. Not that I am surprised. I have already tried to implement some of the early “not talking” concepts into our routine.

We spent the whole day together, and I have resisted the urge to talk about us or to ask him what he is thinking. There are relationship issues that are obviously still on my mind, but I suppose that will get better, right? All I know so far is that I am determined to improve myself and my relationship.

And the decisions are OVER!

We have finally picked all three books! Here is the info on book number three….

The book: How to be a Hepburn in a Hilton World
Author: Jordan Christy

The reader: Erika

As a lifelong fan of Audrey Hepburn, I was immediately intrigued by the title of this book. While the background of the writer is a bit unconventional for the self help genre, I love the ideas. The book is supposed to, “show(s) young women how to find their own glamorous style, professional success, and love with class and grace.” It sounds just what I am looking for in a self help book.

I would have loved to run out to the store and buy it, but to be honest, the only extra cash I had was in PayPal. It is supposed to arrive in the mail tomorrow. I hope it is worth the wait.

Focusing on Marriage....

The book: How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
Author:Patricia Love

The reader: Nicole

I must have looked at the description of every marriage self help book out there, but I have finally decided on this one. I want this little experiment to focus partly on my marriage because it seems like my husband and I just don’t communicate well. I am a talker and he, well….he is just not. I am trying not to have enormously high hopes for this book, but I do hope it will help. Maybe I will learn not to talk so much and just do…..or maybe I will learn some other great form of communication? I have no idea, but I do know this: I would like to avoid uttering any of the following phrases to my other half.

• Can we talk?
• We need to talk.
• Why didn’t we talk about that first?
• You should have told me.

The list goes on and on. I am sure you get my point. There is bound to be a long road ahead for me in this process, but I am willing to make the effort. I’ll keep you posted….